First day of freshman orientation at Villanova. A speech that has always stuck with me:
“You can reinvent yourself here. No one knows who you were before.”
My 18 year old self wasn’t ready for that smack in the face. The idea of reinvention? Without history? Without judgment?
(excuse me for posting one that’s a little softer than usual. I had to be up early for an appointment, and in the quiet of my drive, I found myself reflecting.)
Anyway… it’s more than two decades later (eek) and I’m watching my own kids navigate the awkwardness of adolescence. One in particular that feels a touch stuck with the same old 8th graders around them. Anxiously awaiting 9th grade and a new influx of potential baggage-free friends.
I realized: It’s not that we need a big moment to change (like being dropped off at college, moving to high school).
It’s that we need a safe environment to do it in.
You can only truly reinvent yourself when the people around you allow it. Or at least, don’t make it harder.
That’s really sad.
That change isn’t just about who you are, it’s about who your community is willing to let you become.
So what do you do when you want to change, but you are paralyzed by the fear of what your community is going to say?
Option 1: Leave your community. (Not all that feasible or all that responsible… like if you’re a parent).
Option 2: You communicate.
I haven’t mastered this. But here’s my working theory: You have to start by communicating that you’re on the path of reinvention.
If someone in your life isn’t accepting the changes you’re trying to make, say:
“I’m on a journey, and if you’re not willing to come with me, I’m going alone.”
This shows up in business, too. You tell your friends you’re quitting your job to run your side hustle full-time… and suddenly you’re bombarded with fear-based logic:
What about healthcare? What if it fails? Why don’t you just wait a few more years?
But what they’re really saying is: “Your change is forcing me to consider things I’m not ready to face about myself.”
And that’s hard, for both of you.
Change is lonely. Not because you’re doing it wrong. But because not everyone wants to do it with you.
But, do it anyway. Still change. Still grow. Eventually you may find the people who let you be new.
