People who know my dad always say the same two things: “I can’t believe he’s 81.”
“He’s healthier and more interesting than me.”
So on his birthday, I want to break down what I think has allowed him to age with this much grace and freedom. Maybe one person reading this will see something they can change in their own life that isn’t serving them well.
* He is the most empathetic person I know.
He can’t kill a seedling, even if that means he has too many cucumbers or tomatoes growing each summer. He carries bugs outside. He eats slightly spoiled food because he refuses to waste. He doesn’t overspend, doesn’t overindulge, and wants to leave no footprint. He knows the planet is doomed, and he still shows respect for it every day.
* He is a nihilist, but in the best way.
He doesn’t spend energy raging at the world. To him, viruses spread, cells fight, universes collide. Chaos is the baseline. The current state of the world: wars, the political right, it disgusts him. He was born in Germany at the end of WWII. He’s seen it all: been dirt poor, now he can have anything he wants. We’re specks.
* He’s ‘traditionally unclean’.
He jokes that he’s reached “equilibrium with the outdoors,” leaves, dirt, dust tracked inside and out. He doesn’t shower daily, avoids antibiotic/microbial soaps, doesn’t wear underpants, doesn’t obsess about expiration dates. And yet he’s almost never sick.
* He practices moderation… in moderation.
It’s a saying he loves – everything in moderation, even moderation. I repeat the words in my head when I’m being too hard on myself. He’ll have a root beer float with homemade ice cream every day for a week, then give it up and eat yogurt with fruit for dessert. He’ll sit too long, then talk himself into getting up (literally, out loud, talks to himself). He allows indulgence, but never lets it become a habit.
* He eats plain, real foods.
Soups. Stews. Fermented foods. Espresso, chai, sourdough, kombucha, kimchi, homemade yogurt. He grows a garden, experiments with recipes, and keeps learning what nourishes, not harms. Avoids microplastics. Is tossing out non-stick pans in favor of steel. He’s healthy and his monthly budget is extremely low.
* He avoids doctors, but smokes weed every day.
No prescriptions, just adjustments in diet, has tried some homeopathic remedies, testing out creatine for brain function, and yes: daily homegrown weed.
* He lives like a hermit.
Little commitments = total freedom with time. He moves from project to project without judgement: tending fires and gardens, roasting coffee, milling flour, making tools, crafting jewelry, getting organized, strumming guitars. He’s endlessly curious.
* He’s ready to die.
This is the hardest one. I’m certainly not ready for that moment. But he is. He looks at his life and feels peace, not regret. He knows his death will hurt us. But he doesn’t fear it.
That’s my dad. A happy and healthy 81 years old. Longevity through empathy, curiosity, discipline, and acceptance.
